What a difference a year makes!

How do I catch you up?  In the past year the school has continued to be plagued with financial difficulites.  I did everything I could to make it up.  I borrowed, I applied for loans, and I begged.  You name it, I did it.  I truly believed that God had called me to the school for a purpose.  Now…. I’m not so sure.

In February after months of sleepless nights and no relief in sight, I sent a letter to parents explaining my situation and asking for help.  I was approached by one parent who said they were in a  position to help, but they wanted to see my books.  I had nothing to hide so I handed them over.  In the midst of my honesty I didn’t realize that there are people in this world who take advantage of people like me.  This parent came back to me and said the only way to save the school was to hand it over to him and declare bankruptcy.  I turned him down.  I wasn’t ready to give up.  What I didn’t know is that he had talked to my teachers and even offered one a seat on the nonprofit board for “his school.”  On March 5th I was unable to make payroll, but I had a plan.  I owned the lot next door and I put it on the market and that would solve most of the financial issues. I let the teachers know that I was working on it.  On March 19th, 4 teachers quit in unison.  It was a concentrated plan to force me to turn the school over to this parent.   I did.

In the midst of all the chaos, I slipped fell and broke my back.  So not only was my heart, soul and pride broken, but so was my back.  Life could not get much worse.

The days have been dark.  I’m struggling with questions like “did I hear God right when he told me to take over the school or did I just push my own agenda?” ” If God did call me to the school, why would he allow it to come to this painful end?” “Why didn’t God protect me from this man?”  “Why did He allow this man to do this to me?” There are countless questions and lots of pain.  Everyday is a struggle just to get out of bed, and yet life goes on.  My children’s lives continue and they need their Mom.  My husband’s life contines and he needs his wife.  But what about me?  I’m in pain.  I feel like I’m dying.

So begins my dessert journey.  It’s dry.  It’s hot.  It’s painful. I’m searching for how I got here and how the heck I get out of here in one piece.  I welcome your input and thoughts


About flyingheartranch

I'm a wife, mother, daughter, domestic goddess and a daughter of the King. I have 4 children and my life is beyond full. I have recently gone through a loss. This blog is about my process of working through it.
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