Man this desert journey is hard. I have so many questions for God like why? how? Are you punishing me? Non of which have been answered, so I continue to struggle. I struggle so much with depression, worthiness etc. I keep playing these scenario’s over and over in my mind.
This is the part of the desert that is so dry. No answers. Searching for meaning, purpose and healing. So far I have none.
The lot has sold so we are moving towards closing everything out, however now we have a whole new list of issues. Our accountant of years never dealt with our IRS issues nor did he notify us of any of the lawsuits so these people got judgments without our knowledge or ability to defend ourselves. Our second home was sold out from under us during mortgage modification. And now we need to sue the escrow company for paying a lien that was not attached to the home. I feel like I’m in a horror movie with the long hallway that goes on forever except I’m in the desert and there is no end or oasis in sight. I’m feeling very hopeless. I know the truth – Jesus is my hope, but my heart has not caught up to that truth.
The good news is that Logan is in her new school and she is thriving. That is my oasis. So I continue to put one foot in front on the other and rely on the Lord for his faithfulness.