Dearly Beloved

Last weekend was amazing!  I got to celebrate both my daughter-in-law to be and my daughter’s wedding showers.  What a proud moment to watch these women of God embarking into marriage on the right path, with the right tools.  It’s very different than the way my marriage started.  I had no tools.  I didn’t even have a toolbox.

My daughter invited me to visit her church.  It’s a large church in Fullerton, Ca.  It’s more on the new, trendier side -stadium seating, big worship band. The rest was classic church until we got to the speaker.  Our speaker that day was a guest speaker, Albert Tate.  Pastor Tate is an African American man who is a cross between Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby.  He has a wonderful way of using humor to hammer his message deep into my heart.

He was preaching on Isaiah 6.  He spoke about the visual picture of the Lord’s robe filling the room.  But then he touched on something I hadn’t seen before.  He said, “In verse 1 it says “in the year King Uzziah died I saw the Lord” why couldn’t Isaiah see the Lord before that?  Was King Uzziah blocking his view?  Was his head too big?  We don’t know.  What we do know is that King Uzziah had to die before Isaiah could see the Lord.  Perhaps there is something in your life that is keeping you from seeing the Lord?  Let me ask you this, what in your life needs to die so you can see the Lord?”

That hit me that morning.  Now I know most people would think they need to spend more time with the Lord or give up computer or T.V. to see the Lord, but what the Lord showed me was very different.  What was blocking my view of the Lord was my pain.

The Lord showed me that morning that it was time for my pain to die, all of it.  The loss of the school, my childhood, my Mom, my family, all of it.  Its time to have a funeral and bury it once and for all.  Unfortunately unlike bodies, some things we bury have a tendency to pop back up out of the grave.  I may have to rebury a few times, but this is another step on my road to freedom and healing.  So….

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to bid a final farewell to the school, my childhood and my family.  They were in my life for a time appointed by God, but now they are out of my hands.  I loved the school and did my very best. I loved my Mom and did my very best.  I loved my family and did my very best.  Now it’s time to lay them to rest in my life.  Lord I thank you for the opportunities and the people that each of them brought into my life and now I lay them at your feet to begin living my life again with a clear view of you not clouded by guilt and shame.  May they rest in peace.


About flyingheartranch

I'm a wife, mother, daughter, domestic goddess and a daughter of the King. I have 4 children and my life is beyond full. I have recently gone through a loss. This blog is about my process of working through it.
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