I remember my wedding day. I was so filled with excitement and wonder. I was so in love. But nothing seemed to go the way I pictured it. My mother was not sentimental, in fact she was barking orders and cussing and eventually drunk. I called my fiance to see how he was doing and he was out on a bike ride. A bike ride? Really? On our wedding day? I had one bridesmaid that was a bit bossy and my two year old niece who was my flower girl had not slept much the night before and was way over tired (but still adorable).
I had pictured my wedding day my entire life. It would be a cross between Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and a royal wedding. In my mind it was perfect. In reality, it wasn’t. That was hard for me. I got ready to walk down the isle, just knowing that my fiance and I would have this amazing emotional moment of locking eyes and tears flowing. Wrong again. My fiance was trying to do everything to avoid emotion. Emotion wasn’t safe for him, so he didn’t look at me. He looked at the audience, he looked around the church, anywhere but at me. We went on to the reception where the balloons and flowers were not as I pictured. My perfect day was anything but perfect, for lots of reasons.
When I got married I thought it was the only way to escape the pain and chaos of my childhood home. I thought being married would fix everything. I thought that when I got married all my pain and baggage would disappear. My image of a perfect day and a perfect life we so skewed.
Fast forward 27 years to the wedding of my daughter. That day too I envisioned since the day she was born. It would be perfect. She would be perfect. All the things that went wrong on my wedding day would be perfect on hers. You know what? God is so good and gracious. Her day was perfect but not for the reasons I thought.
I will never forget seeing her in her dress with her hair done. She looked perfect. She looked exactly like I envisioned she would. By that I mean she was beautiful, and peaceful and perfect. You see, my daughter was getting married for the right reasons. She was not getting married to “escape” something she was getting married to “begin” something. She had found the love of her life, she had gotten her education and was ready for this next step in her life. She is so in love.
Her fiance looked so happy. He was peaceful, content and ecstatic to see her. They were in love and they were prepared and ready to embark on this next step in their life. He had waited his whole life for her and he had found the one his soul loves.
Every detail was sweet, and simple and perfect. The decorations, the cake, the music – everything was so perfect and sweet. They were surrounded by family and friends who love them. I was surrounded by my precious friends who had walked me through every detail of this wedding and held me up as I released my first child. It was such and incredible blessing from the Lord.
By far the sweetest blessing of the day was my husband. I worried that he would try to hold in his emotions on that day. When he got his first look at his daughter, he lost all composure. Tears flowed and all he could say was, “she looks so beautiful.” He wrote his own wedding toast that poured out his hopes and dreams for their marriage and brought tears to my eyes. Then there was the father/daughter dance. Early on they decided they didn’t want a sappy “butterfly kisses” dance. They wanted something fun. My husband practiced and practiced his dance. He wanted it to be perfect for his daughter. Dancing in front of a crowd of people would be one of the last things he would ever choose to do, but for his girl he would move mountains. He put his all into that dance and it was adorable. So sweet. So fun. Simply perfect.
The Lord is so sweet to me. Many years ago I asked the Lord why. I asked him why my childhood family was such a mess. I asked him why I had to endure so much. I will never forget clearly hearing his words telling my that I had to go through what I went through so my children would have the life that they have. That was all needed to hear. It was all worth it if their lives would be blessed. On my daughters wedding day the Lord redeemed my wedding day, because he gave my daughter her perfect wedding day. It was all worth it!